Always identify people in your yard before
shooting at them.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time
to change the sheets.
Even if you're certain that you are included
in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral
When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt
the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always
hold it with your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
A centerpiece for the table should never be
anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table ...
no matter how good his manners are.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this
is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing
for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a
social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter
the taste of finger foods.
DATING:(Outside the Family)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially
on the first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested:
"I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom
wall two years ago."
Establish, with her parents, what time she
is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday."
If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her
to school on time.
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby
and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the
screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds
may get you shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure
suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and
shoes for this special occasion.
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles,
even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle
with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using panty hose and
When sending your wife down the road with
a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral